If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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