just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
