Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
