I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
