Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
