What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We have started to decorate penises.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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