Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
