phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sobbing to NWA
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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