Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
