Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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