sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
