Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
