White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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