Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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