The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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