Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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