i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
