i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
