I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
