my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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