I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize