Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
