Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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