Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i've created a new STD.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
