I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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