FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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