It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am naked and annoyed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
