so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
