LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
