Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
