Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
