Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
