she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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