I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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