is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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