I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
