at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
