apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I could make wine with my vomit
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
