There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
