This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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