Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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