Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
