you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
