Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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