I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
