In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
