You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
