one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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