OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
