You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
