Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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