Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
