you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
