saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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