trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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