It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
