why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
