Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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