dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
