one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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