peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
