Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
