my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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