I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
