i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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