Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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