I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
