Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
