You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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