ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
