yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize