my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
