I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
nutella sex= disaster
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
