He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize